Miss Behaving

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-13T16:32:00.001-07:00

Deuce a la Suisse

2011-06-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry friends; I've been a bad monkey keeping up with my blog posts. What can I say; I have no excuse, but sometimes life gets in the way!

So, Deuce traveled to Switzerland recently, and keep posted for several more adventures he will be embarking on soon. This duck gets to go to waaaay cooler places than I have been, so far...

Love,

Miss Behaving

SANGRIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-03-07T17:55:00.000-08:00

Batch #4: AKA "Black Swan Mix"
Slice 1/2 lime, 1/2 lemon, 1/2 orange; squeeze the juice from the other half of each fruit into the pitcher, the slices are...decorative edibles for later. :)
1/3 bag of frozen strawberries
1/5 of a bag of TJ's frozen pomegranates
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 can sugar-free Ginger Ale
2 bottles Cab Sav
A generous but contained splash of both Bacardi Orange and Absolut Citron
Stir. Marinate for 24 hours. Apply to face liberally.

Love,
Miss Behaving

Deuce does the Big Apple

2011-02-19T14:28:00.000-08:00

Walking down Central Park West...

Contemplating a ride on the subway...

Enjoying a decadent hot chocolate at City Bakery...

(Complete with homemade marshmallow topping...)

Of course, what NYC visit would be complete without a taxi ride?

(Photos courtesy of the best sister in the world)

Love,

Miss Behaving

Deuce is making his way across the East Coast...

2011-02-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

Deuce at Carolina Inn; UNC Chapel Hill Campus....
hanging next to the local magazine.

Love,

Miss Behaving

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

Hiking Deuce

2011-02-06T12:14:00.000-08:00

On top of the Ridge Line Trail, hiking South Mountain.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, Venice...Beach.

2011-01-21T16:47:00.000-08:00

Deuce's latest adventure landed him at the beaches of Southern California. Really, this duck has it rough, right?....well, kind of, if you consider being jammed into a camera case for over 36 hours before being released into the wilds of sun-drenched, teeth-bleached, and mysteriously smelling "herb"-infused Los Angeles. At least he's getting to stretch out his wings, right?...* cough* Right? Was that too punny? Anyone? Bueller?

@ Santa Monica Pier.

Looking out into the horizon off the Pier...

Deuce likes roller coasters...at least, he WILL someday.

Looking out towards the ocean off Venice Pier.

Ditto.

A lifeguard shack on Venice Beach.

Venice Beach. :-)

Love,

Miss Behaving

Deuces Runnin' Wild

2011-01-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

So, unleashing Beelzeduck into his "somewhat" natural habitat proved to be rather hilarious this morning (for myself or the cars passing by, one can only ponder) on my weekly "I don't attend church, therefore I must exercise and shove plastic duckies into unfamiliar territory for the lofty purpose of "ART!" and "TRAVEL!" project. I can only hope the stickers didn't prick him too much and these photos will not be used as future evidence of trespassing rather than a somewhat sleepy woman attempting to photograph something other than her cats.

Getting into trouble, already. (He DOES have devil horns.)

Admiring the view from a tree in Sun Ray Park.

Love,

Miss Behaving

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-08T18:42:00.000-08:00

Beelzeduck, Lord of the Underworld...or Deuce for short.

2010-12-05T12:51:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, I was acquainted with a young lad who had a small monkey finger puppet (see below...)

Said finger puppet started to get a whole lot of pretty cool pictures taken: Monkey with John Kerry, Monkey with Cal Ripken, Monkey with Giada De Laurentiis...you get the point. Well, it wasn't too long before Monkey began to travel the world, too, going to far-away, exotic places like Hawaii, New York, and even the far east. Seeing as how I've been rather stir crazy and bored enough to start a new project, I've decided to imitate art, imitating life....imitating art, and therefore my new Project Du Jour (mmmm, sounds good, I'll have that) is to do the same with my tiny little scarlet friend (dubbed Deuce with a little help from my Facebook friends). Yes, I'm bored, single, and have nothing better to do.

But what the &^%$ have YOU done lately?

I figured, start close to home, and go from there...

...and simultaneously have pictures to add to stuffonmycat.com. Cheers! Happy Weekend!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

New Leaves, New Pen, New Inspiration

2010-11-30T20:42:00.000-08:00

Hmmm. I've been lazy.

Not blogging for the last three months or so (Wordless Wednesdays non-withstanding) makes me realize I should have been up to other things~ painting? Haven't picked up a brush since I hung the last pieces of artwork on my living room wall when the temps were hitting over 100 in my crusty city of Phoenix. Photography? Pictures of my Blackberry next to a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon and my reading glasses do not constitute art (at least it's not more pictures of my cats). Writing?........Obviously not.

But there have been changes...

I think what's so great about transformation is sometimes it softly, unexpectedly approaches you, nudges you gently ( or not so gently) on the shoulder, and speaks to you like an old friend..." Hey there, Miss Behaving, you ready to grow up now and shove a little of the old shit under the rug!?" And you realize you are....ready. Ready to write the shit out of this shit. Ready to take some kick-ass photographs. Ready to paint the hell out of a canvas. And maybe, just maybe, ready to release all of your past woes and be who you really are, no matter what anyone else thinks you "should" be.

In the meantime....I'll just keep baking pumpkin bread.

Wordless....Saturday?

2010-08-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

On the Flip Side...(something more positive)

2010-07-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Things/ people/ stuff I love.

1) Chelsea Handler

2) A really, really great red wine

3) My niece

4) Walking barefoot on the beach in California

5) My cats

6) Nutella

7) Warm rain

8) Palm tress

9) Mountains

10) Painting

11) Crawling into bed after a long workout and fresh shower

12) Mr. Bill

13) Sunshine

14) Bubble baths

15) V's swimming pool

16) Kissing someone I love

17) Stuffed crust pizza

18) Feeling sexy

19) Laughing so hard I tear up

20) Someecards.com

21) Making fun of people

22) Making fun of myself

23) Hiking South Mountain

24) Watching the bunnies in my apartment complex bounce around

25) Ansel Adams

26) Reading in bed

27) My kickass little patio

28) English Breakfast Tea

29) Inner beauty

30) The Grand Canyon

31) Banana milkshakes

32) Snuggling

33) Yoga

34) My compassion for others and animals

35) Being tuff :)

36) Photography

37) Laying out and sunning all day

38) The loyalty of close friends

39) Depeche Mode (dur)

40) Sushi

41) My sister

42) Seattle

43) Music that makes you want to shake your booty

44) Air conditioning

45) Learning new languages for free on Itunes!

46) Lady Gaga

47) Twinkly lights

48) Desert sunsets

49) Skiing

50) Warm Arizona air wafting in through your car at night, driving with the top down...

My New Form of Therapy

2010-07-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

What I create after spending 3 days in bed with strep...

At least I had an audience...

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

Pack n' Go

2010-02-21T19:38:00.000-08:00

So...

...in the midst of packing my place to move and, (still having not solidified a new home), I have found new and exciting ways (NOT....sort of) to entertain the girls. It is amazing the lengths one will go to to amuse oneself (and her cats) when bored. And protesting packing.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-17T17:28:00.000-08:00

Travelogues

2010-02-15T17:38:00.000-08:00

From one of my last trips to L.A. I miss the beach.

I need to travel more. Not only am I getting restless because of my impending move and lack of new housing as of yet, one of my other goals in addition to Miss Behaving's fresh start is to obtain a passport. I know...sad that I don't have an updated one. But, tis a year for new beginnings...

Meet me in Montauk...

2010-02-14T17:31:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day, 2010.

I always blog about my favorite movie on this day; perhaps, because the movie is centered around this day, but also, being one of my favorite movies of all time, it makes me think about the life and reality of the relationships and love that touch us so much: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". For those of you who have not seen it, it is a story about love, lost memories, new beginnings, why essentially we are attracted to the people we are attracted to, and starting over with someone with whom we have a past but no memory of. I'm not especially feeling nostalgic tonight, oddly enough. I suppose, in a strange way, this Valentine's Day, my heart is filled with love.

I love my close friends, albeit there are only a few of them left. They love me and support me, even when I am down and out. I love the fact that within a matter of minutes, this evening, I was able to whip up lemon-garlic-white wine chicken out of clear blue nothing. I love that I am enjoying a glass of champagne...even it is all by myself. I love that I can nap this afternoon with two small (albeit fuzzy) gals who, no matter what, will always love me. I love that I have a 4-day weekend. I love that I am finally (only took me 30 years) coming into my own; my own art, my own photography, my own lifestyle, my own person. And...I love that I am able to share this private part of my life with anyone who cares. (And secretly....love how, in that picture, Kate Winslet looks like me.)

But....It's not about "me" this evening.

There is a scene towards the end of the movie (spoiler alert!) where a friend of Jim Carrey's asks him, "So, I saw you talking to someone pretty!!" He answers, " Oh it was nothing. It was just a girl." Every time I watch that scene, it absolutely rips me apart. If only...we could go back to the beginning of every beginning, and sum up something so simple like that... He was just a boy. I fell in love with his smile. He was...so sweet. He invoked the simplest passion in me. He brought out the rebel in me. He stirred memories in me. He made me hope. And at the end of every relationship, we could see clearly enough to begin new, and fresh, and fairly again. Enough to show the best of ourselves to someone else, while letting them see all of our imperfections that make them love us.

Damn, I miss New York.

Hopeful. I am hopeful, that we will all find our love.

Something New

2010-02-09T04:26:00.000-08:00

Since I'm done writing about the men for a while, obviously, dear readers, Miss Behaving is delving into other parts of her life that instigate joy and arouse passion. 2010 started rough, but with new beginnings and clearing out one's "closets" (so to speak) in the near future, the two current loves of my life get front and center attention (plus, I'm delirious from lack of sleep.) Something about owning a pet (adopt from a shelter!), giving love to a furry critter and having the unconditional love of waking up with a cat in one's face is truly priceless... especially if you wake up to these adorable faces each and every morning.

Save a life. Get some love. Adopt from a shelter or rescue a stray.

Bean...the one and only.

Frankie, my kitten of now 1 year, 3 months. My adorable fool.

Pulling the Plug

2010-02-09T03:43:00.000-08:00

I yanked my profile off of my dating site today. Since apparently I can't sleep, I decided it was the immense stupidity of the men in AZ that was causing me insomnia. The last one couldn't even use punctuation. Sigh.

For now....I am DONE.

Hear Me Roar

2010-01-09T12:42:00.001-08:00

So, my fair-weather friends, it appears that Miss Behaving is entering the new decade....without that special someone to annoy for the rest of my life. The latest and not so greatest hasn't contacted me in several weeks, so, let sleeping dogs (as it were) lie, and I shall assume, that this "nice" man too, has run screaming for the hills. (Or perhaps it was my boredom….hmmmm….)

It always amazes me that after every single new dating experience, I come up with a whole new set of attributes that either A) annoy me about someone, B) give me a ton of ammo for my jet-fueled blog), and C) make me that much more aware of what I am looking for in a partner. After this last one, I figured I might relive all the sad, mad, crude, ridiculous, and sometimes utterly unbelievable and jaw-dropping moments from my own personal dating decade and ask....when is it going to be my turn? Have I really shat on people and the universe so much that perhaps, I am never going to find someone who gets...me? I have met a few amazing, passionate, intelligent, and driven men along the way, but they're either in perpetual bachelorhood with blinders on so tight that they cannot realize how much they love me, or they're too busy fartin' around (as my mother would say) to understand that eternal boyhood is not going to last forever…..which basically redundantly reiterates what I said in the previous sentence.

Yeah, I know how this sounds...30 year old, independent, single, attractive woman with no children (wait…WHY am I single again??) who appears bitter and pessimistic and doomed to relationship failure with this attitude....but you might feel differently for me (not sorry, NO, but... understanding? enlightened) when you hear the tale of SHIT that I have had to wade through in the last 10 (+?) years. Listen and think about it.

1) The decade began (OK, a few years into it) with the breakup of the decade...my long term boyfriend of 4+ years and I split. Pretty ugly. We were practically on the verge of joining our lives together in holy unhappiness and then...he came home one night and said he didn't love me anymore. I blame the over-controlling, alcoholic parents for that one, seeing as six months later he was engaged to someone "Mommy" picked out. Gosh, maybe if I had my parents pick out my future mate, I wouldn't still be single at thirty. Kinda takes all the work (and fun) out of it, don't ya think? (Enjoy suburbia hell, you asshole.) Followed by...

2)...The second worst breakup of the decade. After Serious College Relationship ended, about 3 months later I began dating a total d-bag for about a year and a half….frankly, I should have run away after 2 minutes. The guy was not only verbally and mentally degrading, but we fought all the time, and after he put his fist through a wall during an argument, I was always fearful that he might someday turn it on me. Well, eventually we ended and I began my repair with….

3) The Hot Guy. He’s definitely in the top five as far as looks….and we were extremely compatible…..in the “attracted to each other” compartment. :-D Shall we say….FIREWORKS!? Unfortunately, I forget with men that are beautiful and good looking, they often have no depth and he was about as smart as a box of rocks. One can only take so many “supposably’s” in one sentence before I was ready to smother him with a pillow (post-coitus, naturally.) :-D

4) The worst “boyfriend” ever, if you can even call him that. My first “relationship” since moving to AZ…This guy was so psycho that he literally broke up with me one week, called me to get together again the next week, broke up with me AGAIN, and then a year later, found me on Facebook and had the nerve to send a friend request like nothing had happened! It was like Jekyll and Hyde; he literally was one person one day, and completely deranged the next. Once, shame on you, twice, shame on me…there will never be a third time. With anyone. Oh, speaking of re-surfacers…

5) The High School Resurfacer. Mess and a Half. The guy had so many issues (who talks about their exes IN BED?) I felt myself wondering why I’d signed up for a subscription. And note to self, girls….if a man has already been married once it does not mean he’s had more life experience or is more mature because of it. Trust me on that one…

Oh, sure, there are a few that I’ve left out of here…the commitment-phobe, the long-distance “naughty” boy, the “young” guy….I know they read my blog and it’s not for fear of repercussion that I don’t write anything. The fact that none of them ever committed to me on even a boyfriend level is what does not warrant a comment on the matter. I think they’ll still be irritated anyway. But they also know I don’t care.

The point is this…I may have met the person I want to be with already. He may have met me. Both, or one of us might be too self involved or let the moment slip by to know it. All I know is that what all these past debacles have in common is: Me. A promise to myself for the new decade is to get a better “picker”, be more open to the possibility of never letting anything GOOD pass me by, and know while I might not be your neighborhood “nice” girl, I deserve a better start to this decade. It’s not that I’m rushing to get married or *shudder* have children…but we all have those days when we wake up and would love to have someone next to us who really…gets you.

I’m single. And it’s awesome. Bring on the mens.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-01-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

The Holidays

2009-12-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

nos⋅tal⋅gia [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]

–noun

1. a wistful desire to return in thoughtor in fact to a former time in one's life,

to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning

for the happiness of a former place or time.

2. something that elicits or displays nostalgia

A lot of people don't understand why Christmas isn't necessarily a favorite time of year for me. (I'm forcing myself to listed to the Nutcracker Suite as I write this...screw it. I have to go back to Miles Davis.) I get a lot of strange looks, usually when I add this to the fact that I don't have a speaking relationship with my real mother. It's difficult to understand, I suppose...what better memories of one's childhood can one have than the way a pine tree smells; the crackle of gift wrap when poking beneath said tree to count how many presents you have; perhaps, even, the smell of a fire and the warmth and comfort of knowing you're simply....home.

My story begins when I was about 6 or 7 years old. It's unusually difficult for me to remember things about my early childhood, I find, much more so than your average person. I feel like a piece of Swiss cheese: there are pieces of my memory that are literally missing. Pieces. Gone. When I converse with my sister, sometimes we delve into the past and she reminds me of an incident, a past, a brief glean into a moment I've forgotten...and it's gone again. Despite the fleeting nuggets of recollection that turn me into a less holey cheese (perhaps a Muenster or Fontina?), I mostly cannot remember much...save for a few memories.

There is a German tradition that, according to a website I found citing some traditional German holiday festivities, "on the eve of Dec. 6th, children place a shoe or boot by the fireplace. During the night, St. Nicholas, the patron saint of children, hops from house to house carrying a book of sins in which all of the misdeeds of the children are written. If they have been good, he fills the shoe or boot with delicious holiday edibles. If they have not been good, their shoe is filled with twigs." Suffice to say...that year, I awoke to find my shoe containing not Marzipan or Pfeffernüsse ...but the stick my mother used to wedge in our bedroom window to make sure no one could bust in and kidnap us in the middle of the night.

I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't get bad grades, I never got into and fights, and I never talked back, to teachers OR my parents. In fact, I was quite shy and a bit of an outcast....so what could I have possibly done to deserve the good 'ole German stick in the shoe? I hated Christmas for years after that, and even more so when the parents bitter divorce found me being shuttled between the two of them for Christmas and it never....felt like home after that. For many years, I avoided the idea of things like family, and having a home, or even being able to go home for Christmas until I had a momentous epiphany...

My mother belongs in a straight jacket for what she did to me.

I WASN'T a terrible child. The fact that my mother is crazier than a box of square pancakes isn't my fault. The fact that my parents talked s*&% about each other constantly and made the whole divorce one MILLION times more difficult for me than it had to be...is not my fault. The lack of a real family connection for years...is not my fault. Why my mother chose to repeatedly punish me for things that were undone, unsaid and unseen is most certainly no fault of mine. And it only took me 30 years to realize this.... :)

So...

I sit here....listening to some old school jazz, glass of red wine in my hand, and know that this time of year is for the new memories. Antiquated forms of German punishment will never be a part of my children's life, or my sister's. And for that...I am not only a better person, but the memories can only be wonderful and filled with happiness.

Merry Christmas.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T16:41:00.001-08:00

Wordless Wednesday...a day late...again.

2009-11-26T21:46:00.001-08:00

A long, long time ago...

2009-11-23T19:13:00.000-08:00

...From about 1993 to 1997...

I was in high school. This point I will come back to....in about a paragraph or so.

While walking around Best Buy the other day, searching for yet another silly video game for my Wii (GIANT NERD ALERT), I was walking past a row of Sony stereos. I'm not in the market myself, but I couldn't resist glancing at them while I passed. What can I say...I'm a blonde, they're shiny and loud....you make your own conclusions. While walking, I happened to notice, each and every stereo, no matter how big or small, had an IPod docking station. ALL OF THEM. It's generic, easily gotten, and a foreseen conclusion, but it really got me thinking about how 5, 10, even 15 years ago things were so extremely, radically, basically different. So.... this led me to thinking about yet a whole other new list I can compile of things that didn't exist...when I was in high school...and beyond.

I'm really really really dating myself here....yet, it's really difficult to believe that only 10+ years ago(or 15?)....none of these things were in existence (the cell phones, sure, but they were big honkin' beasts of machines that were so Jurassic and cumbersome, you might as well have been driving one to work.)

1) IPods/ ITunes

2) Bluetooth

3) Cell phones

4) The Blackberry

5) Blogging

6) Facebook

7) MySpace

8) Wii

9) Tweeting/ Twitter

10) Hybrid cars

11) Segways

12) Blu-ray

13) Webcams

14) The digital camera

15) Debit cards

16) DVD's

17) Flat panel TV's

18) TIVO

19) Viagra

20) YouTube

Most of these items are things we depend on daily (the Segway is a stretch, but you never know), and yet, pretty much most of these items didn't even exist when I was going to high school. I'm curious...can you think of anything ground-breaking I might have left out? Feel free to share your favorite invention from the past 10-15 years....

Let the reminiscing begin.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-21T18:40:00.000-07:00

Ari's Resilience- Original Artwork by Peggy Sue Togioka

(Somewhat) Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-14T18:01:00.000-07:00

I know this is meant to be wordless, but I felt this one just needed a little background for those who are not familiar: I took this shot as a series of others at Tempe Town lake shortly after September 11th this year; every year, a flag representing each soul who lost their life on 9/11 is erected at Tempe Town Lake. There is a card attached to each flag with a small bio, including name, age, and where they were that day when they lost their life. The flags for police officers and fire officials had yellow ribbons attached. I was lying on the grass, on my back, and I just decided to shoot upside down. The sheer volume and intensity of that field was enough to bring tears to my eyes. I wanted to share one of my favorite shots.

We still stand united.

(Artist's note: I know that an upside down flag means distress, and when it's not a sign of distress it's usually interpreted as a sign of disrespect towards the American flag. I mean no disrespect, I was just taking an artistic, unusual shot.)

Bachelor #2 & #3

2009-10-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

Ugh.

The reports shall continue as follows until the dating pool vastly improves.

Bachelor #2
Truthfully, I was actually fairly impressed with how both of these dates went the past weekend... (yes, one per day because when you're this amazing, it's difficult to beat them away from my door...). However, the aftermath is apparently what I remain puzzled and disappointed by more than anything else.
Bachelor #2 met me at a wine bar Saturday night close to my digs, which worked out great for me because I really didn't feel like driving that far. (I'll keep this brief). Overall, the date lasted almost 5 hours in which we talked, ate dinner, had some wine, and listened to live music until I said I had to go because I was just tired. At one point in the evening, he shifted chairs to sit next to me instead of across from me, gently nudging my knee with his, picked up the tab, walked me out to my car, and kissed me goodnight. Great, right?
Wrong. Terrible kisser. Hasn't called me since. What I would like to know is, why spend that much time with someone if you're just going to blow her off? Whatever. NEXT.

Bachelor #3
This one was better. Or worse, depending on how we look at it. Older....44, but apparently not versed in the etiquette of dating seeing as how I was made to split the bill. (Keep in mind, gents, I ALWAYS ask if I can help, I just expect that the chivalrous thing to do on the mans part is to decline tab assistance (especially because he asked me out AND picked the location). We had great conversation, good kisser, but the tab thing? Seriously? At least I found a great new wine bar out of the deal. Whatever. NEXT.

NEXT.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T16:16:00.001-07:00

Nostalgia

2009-10-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

I see signs now, all the time
That you're not dead, you're sleeping
I believe in anything
That brings you back, home to me.

-Bloc Party
"Signs"

Men aren't made like they used to be...

2009-09-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

Lists. My entire life seems to be made now of LISTS. Things that I want, things that I hate, things I need from the grocery store...As promised, this isn't a negative or complaining post like mine so frequently have been as of late...... OK, maybe a little bit? But in my defense, perhaps it's because I have come to the realization (it only took me 30 + years) that men simply are not the creatures they used to be...if they ever were "men" to begin with. Here are some of the reasons why...and in creating yet one more list (I have criteria that needs to be met, people!!), I finally can say that I know what I want from a man.

Women these days are kick ass. Like, seriously amazing. We have the ability to be so independent. so free, so beautiful. Men just need to look at their incredible variety of choices. We look and smell fantastic, we own our own places (or at least HAVE our own places), we pay our bills, we have fantastic shoes, we travel the world, and we create our own destiny and don't answer to anyone. Our skin is soft, we are educated and intelligent, we don't put up with shit, and we have a sense of humor to boot. We are delicate and sensitive, yet strong and formidable. We can do anything and everything; from taking incredible pictures to drawing and painting, cooking fantastic lasagnas or just making a bomb grilled cheese, we ladies have SO much to offer, not only to contribute to the world, but also to men.

So what the F$#* do men have to offer to us???

I'm not a gold-digger. I'm not speaking of monetary gain; I have never dated a man based on money alone. What I am referring to is a level of success that makes it seem like you're mentally stable and have been doing more with your time than macramé or cheating on your current girlfriend. Let me paint a picture for you, dear readers, of what I mean when I say: BRING SOMETHING TO THE TABLE.

Chivalry is not dead. I know this because the guy I went on a date with last night held the door open for me, as well as walked me to my car when we were done with dinner. DO THAT. Shave your damn face. We lovelies are expected to shave, pluck, tweeze and wax for you guys, so cut the damn hippie hair and get rid of the beard. We're not in Alaska. Don't complain when we give you a back massage Don't complain about my pillows. They're MY pillows. And I have an awesome bed. You're lucky to even be in it. Don't complain about the state of things in my apartment. Don't complain. If you're lucky, we'll cook for you, treat you right and invite you into bed, but complaining will be a surefire way that we won't do any of it. Ever. Don't talk about your exes you're in bed with me. Be tailored; well read, well spoken, and well groomed. A baseball cap and T-shirt do not qualify as acceptable items of clothing when you're on a date with me. We're over 30 now....put down the bong and start acting like it. Have some life experience. Hit the gym as often as I do. Listen to what I have to say and be interested in me. Be kind. Be strong. Be a MAN. Be willing to take that chance with me. Don't be a downer. Don't invite drama into your life. It's there because you want it there. If your ex is calling you... change your number. (I did, asshole.) And don't stop communicating.

Oh, and have your shit together... mentally, physically, job wise and people wise. Meaning....be together in your head before you lead me on. If you have shit to work out, do it on your own time, honey. Work out; it'll also help your head issues. Be successful....don't be in trouble with money or cover other people's debts because they can't get their lives together. Be sassy, but be able to talk to people. If you have no friends...there just might be a reason for it.

I'm a classy gal who's not afraid to speak my mind. Now...what is it that YOU can do for ME?

Hijinks, shenanigans, and the tomfoolery....of dating.

2009-09-27T18:10:00.001-07:00

Back-on-the-dating-scene weekend one.....one bachelor down, one bachelor canceled (I canceled, not him), and eleventy billion to go...

Seriously, people. I've figured out this one-guy-at-a-time thing is horseshit! I'm going to rotate between 5-10 at any given time...if, for no other reason, I get free drinks and dinner. :-)

So, my report (and amusement to others) begins as such: late lunch, early dinner last night with Bachelor #1. I had misgivings already, before even meeting the guy; not because he didn't seem perfectly nice, just....not on the same level. Smoker, no college level education (which is not a pre-requisite, mind you, but at least have the conversation to back it up!) I looked adorable....hair all did, cute top, sleek black pants, and heels. Accessorized and ready to impress!!

We met for sushi. He texted me 15 minutes before our meeting time to tell me he was already there...and of course, this is the one time in the century that I am running late. I arrive about ten minutes after our meeting time and....ugh. I needed the two gin and tonics just to force myself to get through the experience.

Like I said, perfectly nice guy BUT...kept watching the TV above the bar, randomly texting throughout our meal, and seemed very soft spoken and quiet. The pluses: he held the door open for me, picked up the tab, and walked me to my car after dinner. But I need someone...more experienced. He didn't know what sashimi was, what blogging was (gulp) and seemed to not really.. get me. A little life experience, please? Plus, if I am looking all cute and you show up in a T-shirt and jeans, perhaps I need to reexamine why I accepted the date in the first place...

Ah, yes. Because, dear reader, I think that you can learn something from everyone. I knew it wasn't going to work. But that doesn't mean I didn't meet a cool person who's artsy and awesome in his own way. And I need to remind myself...this is all amusement. This is fun. This is not serious life.

But I'm upping my standards.

Let the games begin.

I Hope You Read This

2009-09-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I wish I could say to you.

I wish I could tell you that I miss you.
I wish I could say that I miss talking to you; our long, happy, intense conversations.
I wish I could tell you that I still hurt.
I wish I could tell you I have no tears left.
I wish I could tell you I can't sleep.
I wish I could tell you I think about you. A lot.
I wish I could tell you I wonder how you're holding up.
I wish I could tell you to call me.
I wish I could talk to you every day, ask how your day was, see if you're feeling better...because I still really care about you.
I wish that I could see inside your mind.
I wish I knew why you pushed me away.
I wish you'd fallen for me too.
I wish you hadn't been so closed off to the idea of loving me. I'm so worth it.
I wish you had all your shit figured out.
I wish she hadn't broken you. Or your heart. I hope I didn't.
I wish you hadn't broken mine. Again.
I wish I could talk to you.
I wish we could have had a goodbye.
I wish you would have stayed this time.
I wish a lot of things.
I wish I had the courage to say :

"Life's too short. We could be gone tomorrow, and never have said goodbye. Life's too short to be angry, or warring, or to give up on life's second chances. Life's too short for you to have given up so easily. It wasn't easy for me. Life's too short to not let the people whom you care about know that you care."

I wish I could tell you that even though you pushed me away, and screwed it all up, I will love you forever.

But I can't.

Pet Peeves

2009-08-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a while.

But I'm feeling particularly obnoxious tonight, and I have had a list of things I absolutely cannot stand swirling around in my head for quite some time now. Feeling fairly absent of adjectives that I normally use to pepper my blogs with, I give you...the frills free version of things that piss this voracious vixen off:

1) People who use the 15 items or less lane at the grocery store when they clearly have more than 15 items.

2)Drivers using the fast lane who feel the need to suddenly exit off the freeway....RIGHT NOW.

3)Women who come up to men at a bar, expecting them to buy her a drink and then disappear right after. (Albeit, I am guilty of this one....but not since I was 21...OK, 23....shit....28)

4)People who don't hold the door open for someone who is clearly walking in right behind them.

5)Fake ass Barbie wannabes.

6)People who feel the need to flaunt how much money they have based on how many "Kenneth Cole" and "Calvin Klein" references they can make in one conversation.

7) People who speak of religion or politics at venues that are clearly not appropriate. Like work. Or if you're my therapist. Hell, go for the trifecta and shut the f*&# up about sports, too.

8)People who use words like "supposably" (instead of supposedly) and "acrossed" (instead of across). Morons....there are NO such words in the English vocabulary.

9) Speaking of grammar.....don't use "their" when you mean "they're" or "there". Or "your" and "you're". My God, people.

10) The Jonas Brothers. And people who like them.

11) Soap operas. And people who like them.

12)Extremely obese people who constantly eat crap. I'm no size 4, but try and throw a salad in there every now and then, OK? Fruit? Health shake? No?

13) Parents who let their children run wild. They really aren't cute, and you never know when some stranger (i.e. ME) is going to stab them in the eye with a fork.

14) Lazy people.

15)Paris Hilton. Jessica Simpson. All tween and Disney pop pseudo icons. Rappers.

16) People who are cruel to animals.

17) People who are complacent. Which means I pretty much hate myself right now.

18) People who never have anything positive to say. (I PROMISE my next blog will be positive.)

19) Women who cannot go for 5 minutes without being attached to a man. It's called independence, honey....give it a try and you'll see how wonderful and beautiful you are, even if it means being alone for a little while.

20)"Society" who look at single people like it's a bad thing. I know more about myself, single, at 30, than you ever will if you stay married to that shlub at 23, baby doll.

There. I ranted. Taaa daaaa....

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-24T19:53:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday (Early this time...)

2009-06-16T21:05:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-10T20:19:00.001-07:00

Oldie...but Goodie....

2009-06-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

So...
I wrote this back in 2007, but since my blog is starting to a have a "single lady-dating theme", I figure ya'll would find this hilarious. I still do...

May I preface this by just saying, I am a single gal in the 21st century, so as a somewhat total newbie to my new town, so I figured I'd try an online dating service: for shits and giggles, for fun, for laughs, but also, in the hopes of meeting cool, rad new people...I think I smell the beginnings of a social experiment. Or at least a hilarious new chapter of my single dating life...

Worst. Date. Ever. Here's an ad NOT for *&^&%$.com.

So.. yeah. I get there, cute place; I'm hopeful, excited, nervous, whatever, right? Strike one: my pet peeve (he calls to say he'll be about 10-15 minutes late.) OKAY...I can roll with it... He shows up (finally) and he's looking... trepidacious...nice smile. He's like "Hi, I'm ........" and that's it. So, I figure, yeah....he's not a talker. Great. Awesome. Wonderful. As we all know, I suck when I am a chatterbox. But mojitos were a'flowin'... SOOOOO... Let the games begin...

So the next two hours were spent with me trying to EXTRACT information out of him (with him barely trying to get to know me); I come to find out he's ACTUALLY pretty much unemployed right now, lied about half the things he said were "activities" on his profile, doesn't do a whole lot on the weekends or in his free time (gotta love a guy who'll admit to being a lazy ass), and his hobby is Ultimate Frisbee. ULTIMATE FRISBEE (a "sport", mind you...) that is played by drunken 20 year olds with beer bellies in college in a vague attempt to attract the opposite sex from afar using...?. Yeeeeah...

He was tedious and boring and I ended the date after 2 hours because I was gonna stab my own eyes out with a pen if it continued...here's the line I fed him for that...) ladies, feel free to steal this one, cuz it works...)

"I gotta go help a friend REALLY early tomorrow morning with her garage sale (which is totally believable because for some insane reason everyone had garage sales at like 6 in the morning here, mostly due to weather)...soo....thanks for taking me out tonight......"His profile definitely seemed more interesting, or at least like he did more stuff than what he does in real life. He seemed really shy AND nervous, but no, didn't ask for a 2nd date and neither did I.
My pain and patheticity is very amusing to me. And others, as I've come to find :-D

DON'T LIE. ON YOUR ONLINE PROFILES, IN REAL LIFE, TO YOUR MOM, WHATEVER. DON'T DO IT.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-03T16:16:00.001-07:00

Best Feature: Arms

2009-05-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

So, sitting at Dos Gringos Saturday afternoon with T after a difficult and exhausting midday spent relaxing and swimming at my pool, we stumbled into conversation about men and dating over a few Dos Equis, some fresh guacamole, and Bloody Marys. T is currently exploring the overabundance of dating choices we have (in our overtly consumer-culture- driven nature) by becoming involved with a fun little program called Match.com. Sipping away and enjoying the sunshine, she suddenly blurted out, "Dude, I'm starting to size guys up.. like, when they walk by, my brain tells me...5'10", athletic and toned, wants kids...not sure." I immediately erupted into peals of laughter as we sized up a few more while attempting not to choke on chips because we were laughing so hard. Indeed, it seems this is what we have come to; men who imply things on dating sites like, "My best feature is my overly toned, freshly oiled, buff- at- the- gym Wolverine arms and Gerard Butler thighs", or "Interests are camping, hiking, biking, and all around general manly activities like starting campfires with only a glue gun and a stuffed animal". While T is definitely looking for the Man with the Big Arms, it got me thinking... What are we really looking for in a partner? It's amazing how vast our choices really are these days with the Internet (thank you, Al Gore), social meet up groups (see my list of fave websites), and activities we can get involved in, all with the hopes of meeting a certain "someone" who might potentially be that witness to the rest of our lives...or, at least hang around for a few weeks for some great dinners and heavy petting. We've become so ADD as a culture that we can't even walk into a grocery store without being assaulted with tens of hundreds of thousands of types of cereal, juice, coffee, even laundry soap. How on earth, then, are we supposed to weed out potentially boring, mean, or incompatible dates without literally going out on HUNDREDS of them?

I suppose a few Bloody Marys may aid us with our decisions. And if all else fails, dear listeners, take comfort in the fact that at 5'10", I am currently taller than most of the men expressing interest in me on the dating site I belong to. So I too will take a deep breath, plunge into the fantastic world of so many options., Keep smiling, because everyone has something to learn from everyone else, even if it does take us some time to stroll down that aisle and make sure we don't miss a single opportunity.

Happy Hunting.

Recipe

2009-05-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

Dumping Your Therapist

Ingredients:

1 disgruntled client, lightly taken advantage of (mostly monetary-wise)

1 opinionated, Bible-Thumping, non-impartial "licensed clinical social worker", usually prone to preaching about her own life far more than listening to you about yours and prescribing judgements as if they were Vicodin.

1 bottle Anti-depressants

1 bottle Anti-anxiety meds

Directions:

1) Have conversation with therapist that sounds a little something like this:

"I think I need to work things out on my own for a while."

"This just isn't working out for me..."

Or the good 'ole standby: "It's not your treatment, it's my interpretation of it."

2) Take Anti-depressants on a daily basis.

3)Take Anti-anxiety meds on a daily basis.

4) Begin search for a new shrink who will NOT do any of the following: Pass judgement, relate your stories with overly long anecdotes of her own, criticize, label, or belittle you.

5)Strap yourself in and hope for the best....and have a few of these.

Wordless Wednesday (a day late...)

2009-05-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

I like K's idea of Wordless Wednesday: to post a picture every Wednesday without words, just a picture.
It's not idea stealing, it's selective creativity...

Blog Cherry...Popped

2009-05-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

This is a test.

It is only a test. It's not your real life.

If this WAS your life, you probably wouldn't be reading about MY life.

Welcome to my blog. :-)